Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
