i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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