Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
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It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
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i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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