It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
