Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
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I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
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There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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