So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
