I haven't been this sober since birth.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
