Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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