i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
