So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
