Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome