just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
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If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
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I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.