was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
