I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.