Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
