i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.