I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.