she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here