Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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