If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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