Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
