Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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