i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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