when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
