Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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