Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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