Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
