what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
