Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
as a side note pls kill me
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