I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
