i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
