$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
