It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
