I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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