i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
