You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
