I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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