Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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