i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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