What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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