I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
