There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
