i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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