I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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