You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
