I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
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Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
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He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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