i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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