soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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