just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
