She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
