So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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