Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
