I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
