Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
