this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
