ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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