Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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