Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Help. Why am I so naked?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
