there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
