if i can run in heels then i can drive
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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