Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
