the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
