if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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