I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
