My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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