so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
