I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
