But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Randomize
