I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
