So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
