I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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