super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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