No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
