I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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