I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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