I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
