You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
