Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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