I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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