I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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