Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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