ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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