I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
