i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
