he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
