I am puke
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
