I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
