You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
